Do you get angry? Everyone does. How often do you get angry? “We are human beings, and we have emotions.” “Sometimes we do get upset or frustrated.” We cannot help it.” Have you heard of these words from anyone? I’m sure you have. There is the difference in reasons why people get angry. Some people intentionally use anger to try to change someone. Especially when you are a parent of a child, I am sure you have at least used anger to solve your children’s behaviour. Using anger will not solve anything. It is important not even to speak when you are angry. If you are using anger to say something to anyone, you should pause for a moment and reconsider about this behaviour.
Anger lowers intelligence
Anger is one of the negative emotions for human beings. The problem with having these negative emotions is that your intelligence goes down. When you are angry, I am certain you are saying something that you would never say to someone. The words that you are sometimes using surprises everyone. It surprises them because you are using words that you will not use when you are in normal state. Then after a while, you calm down, little negative emotions go down. You recognise the behaviour you took was different from usual. The impact of anger can be huge for people because what every you are doing when you are anger you are possibly not in control.
Why Do We Get Angry?
You get angry when you give meaning to an external event that makes you feel angry. This means that you are choosing to get angry. The meaning that you give may not be how you think. For example, let’s say you see someone not looking at you when you are talking something important to this person. You might give meaning to yourself such as, “This person does not like me”. “He is intentionally doing this because he is always like this.” As you give such meaning to an external event which is “Not looking at your face while I am talking, means this person is not listening” may lead you to give anger to yourself. Just think about it. Does this behaviour of this person mean the things you have in mind? No, it can mean an entirely different thing. Maybe this person was trying to understand what you are saying.
Why “Pause” Will Help?
People will say you should pause after you feel the anger. Why is it effective to pause when you are angry? Pausing is effective because it allows you to lower your negative emotions. It is not a magical tool, so it does not mean it always work, but if you often get angry, then you might want to use pausing to stop doing something when you have negative emotions. Pause does not remove your anger. It will give you the time to lower your anger and avoid you to do things when you are angry.
Anger Affects Others and Yourself
If you speak when you are angry, it can be the worst impact on others. The words and body language you give them will make others also feel negative emotions, fear, depression, rejection and frustration. Then the relationship with that person will have a lot of impacts, especially if the relationship is with individuals who are close. Pause and do not speak when you are angry. Words that you are using does not mean the things you always feel. Why make others feel the way you don’t want to? Anger also has an adverse impact on yourself. When you are angry, your intelligence goes down. You might make decisions that you will not make when you are calm. There are cases that people fire employees or don’t listen to valuable advice because or the anger which does not make people rethink over the value of the decision you consider.
Anger Does Not Change The Situation
Feeling these negative emotions is not something you cannot control. People believe that you cannot control, but it is not true. You are choosing to get angry for a certain reason. When you think about this, the situation itself never changes although you are angry or not. It is all up to you how you want to give the meaning to the event that makes you angry. Reminding yourself that anger does not change the situation may also help you not to speak when you are angry. Then this helps regarding giving adverse impact to other people.
Give Different Meanings To The Event
Steven Covey wrote in his book “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” about an incident in a train. A woman with three children got on to the train. They were playing around making some noise in the train, but the woman who is their mother did not say anything to them. So he was feeling a negative emotion to this event which gave the meaning that, “When you’re children is playing around in the train making noise, it is annoying to other people. Parents should make sure they don’t behave in this way.” So what he said to the lady was to tell her children to be quiet on the train. The woman answered that they just lost their father and did not know how to react to this situation. Then of course, how he was feeling about the external event was entirely different. As you can see, if there are a different meaning to the event itself, you will feel completely different. Therefore if you give different meanings to the event, you will feel different.
Language is Powerful
Remember that language is powerful, and it impacts others. The language you may use when you are angry can be harmful. Stop and avoid to speak when you are angry. If you can control not to speak when you are angry, it can save not only the relationship with others but also your life. Use a language that makes you feel different. It is really powerful because the meaning is different and at least you can avoid those small anger that you would like to control.
Practice Pause and Don’t Speak When You Are Angry
If you are emotional and often get angry especially when working, then practice not to speak when you are angry. Again, negative emotions will lower your intelligence and impact your performance. The problem is not just that you will give negative impact to others but also affect how you feel about life. You will keep repeating about the external event has impacted you to feel that emotion. The biggest problem is that you will not be happy at all. So let’s practice to pause and take a step back when you are feeling that emotion again. Don’t speak and give different meaning into it. If this does not work, you might need coaching, but if it does work, it’s the best way to make your life happier naturally.